You! Oi!


This is an open letter to you, Mister Thánh Gióng.

Yes YOU!

I am not sure where you are hiding and why you have been in hiding for so long, but we need you to come back out and help us with this situation that is starting to escalate out of our control.  Vietnam is in big trouble, and we need your intervention.

This is an ancient struggle, one that has been orchestrated in times long ago and far away, and because it never got resolved properly, it’s reared its ugly head yet again.  Since we are merely the latest incarnations to have to deal with this mess that’s been ongoing from time immemorial, we need for you to come back out from under the honeycomb depths, or somewhere in the galactic deep space, and kick some serious booty.

I know you took the time out of your busy schedule the last time we got into serious trouble to help us out (not to mention the Ha Long Bay intervention), and for that, I’m immensely grateful.

But dude…we need you again.

thanhgiongfaceI am calling on you because you are one of the most revered figures in Viet history, and the people have put their faith in you.

In a time when poor Viet kids are hungry and lacking in all aspects of amenities, national resources were used lavishly to build HUGE friggin’ expensive effigies of you all over the place.  There is even a national holiday to celebrate your intervention as a sign of good faith.

In short, you are one of our most beloved stewards, but man, you are falling asleep on the job.  We need some divine intervention.

Like NOW!!!

Why am I calling you out on this, instead of the myriad of other famous figures in our history?  The answer is simple.

You are, perhaps one of the few who are still alive.

According to the most recent mythological accounts, you never died.  We know you took off on some type of a flying aircraft and was never seen again.  That was an amazing feat back in those days, between 1718 and 1631 BC.  But guess what…

That was fricking four-thousand years ago!

It’s not that big of a deal today.  We humans fly around on our planes and whatnot, as a matter of course, in our daily lives.  We’re not going to be shocked out of our depths to see you flying around on the craft of your choice.  This time, I promise, you don’t have to disguise your weapon inside a bamboo rod.  You can even use something more comfortable to ride on than that steel horse you rode back then.  It couldn’t have been comfortable.  I, for one, would love to see you emerge from one of those modular, triangular space crafts.  It would make your job easier, methinks.

In fact, don’t you think it’s about time you shared some of your knowledge with us?  We’re on the cusp of cracking all this open any way.  Zero point energy, nanotechnology, genetic manipulation, time-stasis field–we’re all at the cusp of that event horizon where it’s within human grasp, and we’re talking single-digit years, not centuries (or even decades).


So, Mister Thánh Gióng.  Please consider showing yourself again, and helping us out.  Or at the very least, pull some internal hidden strings to right what’s gone horribly wrong.

The people will be eternally grateful, and we will build more effigies of you, I promise.  This time though, your effigies will be more modern looking.

You’ll get to wear hip clothes and wield a cool looking weapon instead of that dang blasted bamboo pole.

You’ll be all over social media–Twitter, Youtube, Facebook, etc.  You’d be a big hit!

You’ll be a modern-day idol, complete with your own retinue of adoring fans.  The girls are gonna love you.  So please.  Pop back out into mainstream and make us proud.  Thank you.




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