Babes in Space

I saw a woman driving a car down my street today.  Isn’t that awesome?

No?

Well, it sure was a big deal, eighty years ago.  And let’s be honest, eighty years wasn’t that long ago, in the grand scheme of things.  It’s barely an eye blink when you compare that to the history of the human race.  Yet, we find this picture above to be so crazy amazing—a beautiful woman, in a space suit that looks as if it was designed for a man.

It probably was.

Let’s face it, men’s outfits tend to be rather on the stiff, sterile, and uninspired side.  If it had been designed for women, we’d see some color, a softer more flattering silhouette, and maybe even a bit of accommodation for the bustier girls.  After all, not every woman has a size B chest.  Some of us are a bit chestier, and that suit does not look like it would accommodate a larger pay load in the front.  It wouldn’t accommodate me, that’s for sure.

There we go!

I just couldn’t stand the dreary greys any longer so I colored her in various shades of pretty pink.    If we have to conquer space, we should be allowed to go out there with a little bit of style.  Nobody said we had to go out there looking ugly, and certainly, paint costs the same, whether it’s grey or pink.

Speaking of which…I wonder what color Ishtar’s suit was.  It’s hard to tell from a black and white photo, and certainly, the colors must have rubbed off a few thousand years ago, but knowing Ishtar (or Inanna, whichever you prefer to call her), I would guess that it wouldn’t be grey.  But to be honest with you, I’m not that impressed with her fashion statement.  It looks like she’s got the same kind of manly suit that the guys had to wear.  Poor Ishtar.  She probably didn’t have a whole heck lot of choices back in those days.  It’s hard to be a girl in a gaggle of guys, all doing their thing.  Had I been around in those days, I’d make sure she go out there with a little more style.

Look at all that paraphernalia she had to tow around!  What the heck, sista?  Shoulder pads?  Boxes and equipment on your back?  According to Walter Andrae and his colleagues who found this 4,000-year-old statue of her:

On her head she wears not a milliner’s chapeau but a special helmet; protruding from it on both sides and fitted over the ears are objects that remind one of a pilot’s earphones. On her neck and upper chest the goddess wears a necklace of many small (and probably precious) stones; in her hands she holds a cylindrical object which appears too thick and heavy to be a vase for holding water. Over a blouse of see-through material, two parallel straps run across her chest, leading back to and holding in place an unusual box of rectangular shape. The box is held tight against the back of the goddess’s neck and is firmly attached to the helmet with a horizontal strap. Whatever the box held inside must have been heavy, for the contraption is further supported by two large shoulder pads. The weight of the box is increased by a hose that is connected to its base by a circular clasp. The complete package of instruments – for this is what they undoubtedly were ­ is held in place with the aid of the two sets of straps that crisscross the goddess’s back and chest. (146)

Certainly, this outfit is not as glamorous as it can be, and certainly could use a bit of feminine allure.  The woman is gorgeous, we can all see that, despite missing a big chunk of her nose, from the passage of time, but that hat…girl, that hat’s gotta go.  She looks like she’s trying to jack-hammer a manhole cover out of the ground.

Here’s another, clearer picture of her mask and eye goggles.

Girl, what is up with them ugly goggles?  OK, so the head wear isn’t that bad in this depiction of her gear, but you sure could use a good fashion designer, lady.  That eye-wear makes you look like an alien from outer space!

Now this is what I call a stylish space suit, with plenty of room to accommodate the more well-rounded parts that come attached to women!  Of course, the minor detail of bare skin can be addressed by simply adding more material to the midriff, but the shoes are scrumptious!  Built in high heels, within a boot-shaped enclosure.  That luscious blue on teal is lavish enough for any girl’s sweet tooth, and the hair on this gal is an amazing shade of fuschia, which complements the suit color quite nicely.

Yes, I would probably enjoy designing haute couture for the more fashionably conscious women of space.  We’ve had quite a bit of a dry spell for several thousand years.  We’ve been sorta Earth-bound for awhile now.  Gotta get back into the swing of things.  Gotta get the Babes back out there!